Diary and life of Olivia Benson
by AMessOfFandoms
Summary: Just a quick au story. Olivia's thoughts on Alex when she first arrived... A/O pairing. Total fluff between Alex and Olivia. Femslash:don't like don't read. Rated T for bad language, nothing sexual, maybe in another story in requested. Reviews always welcome..
1. Chapter 1

Diary,

Love. One word. Four letters. A single syllable. All around me people are professing their love for one another. It comes in many different forms, parental, sibling, friendly, 'true love'. Everywhere I turn people are falling in love, staring into each others eyes, smiling big goofy smiles.

I'd never had that, I was always the third wheel, or moving from one meaningless relationship to the next. Never finding that connection and passion that everyone always describes in relation to their lover. I don't know why. Was I broken? Had my conception tainted me? Made me incapable of love? I used to think the answer was yes...

That is until she glided into my life. I'll never forget the first time she strode into the precinct, everyone looked up at the now signature sound of her heels. When she walked through that door I was a goner. In that moment I saw nothing but her, total tunnel vision. Her long legs that seemed to go on for days; her gorgeous, shimmering golden hair; the skirt suit that fit her curves like a glove; her natural beauty. Just everything about her screamed elegance and beauty, everything I'm not nor ever will be. When our eyes locked for the first time something happened, there was this instant connection, I just felt this need to get to know her. Opposites really did attract for us.

In the beginning, I'll admit, we had our fair share of very passionate arguments. At the time she just seemed so cold against the victims, very much by the book law. I'm the exact opposite, anything to get justice for the victims.

I'll never forget the first time I entered Alex's office to find her softly crying, she tried to hide it of course, she had to keep up her 'ice princess' facade. But I'd seen it. Seen that compassionate, loving, human side of her. From then on, I made more effort with her, and before long we were the best of friends. That earlier connection grows stronger by the day. I can't do anything about this though no matter how much I just want to take her in my arms and kiss her. The mere thought of her rejection and loss of friendship breaks my heart in a way I've never before felt...


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, in the 1-6...

I am seriously on the verge of screaming at all these guys, fin, munch and Elliot. How dare they sit here discussing how much of a bitch 'Cabot the ice princess' is? I know they don't know that Alex and I are close friends now, but that's no excuse, I'm seriously about to scream at them all...

SHIT!

I've been so caught up in my mental dialogue and plotting revenge on the guys that I didn't hear Alex approaching the squad room, and apparently neither did the guys since they're still trash talking her. She's stood there, trying to hold in the tears I know are close to spilling. No sooner has she appeared than she is gone again, not that I can blame her.

"Damn it, I hope you guys are happy. You're all total jackasses. I should've stopped you all while I had the chance. You have a lot of apologising to do. Never say anything about her again in my presence or else.."

They're all stunned silent, not that I care as I chase after Alex, finally catching her getting in the elevator. I quickly jump in it with her, hitting the stop button so we have plenty of time to talk uninterrupted, rules be damned.

"Oh Alex I'm so sorry, you of all people didn't deserve that. I swear I'm gunna make them pay. Your nothing like they described you."

She sniffles, wiping the remnants of tears. "It's fine liv, I know how they perceive me, I guess it's just hard hearing it so brashly. It isn't your fault."

"I still should've stopped them. I was so close to exploding before you entered, when you left I most certainly did.."

"You didn't have to do that, you have to work with them, I understand your position, don't worry about me."

"Of course I worry about you, lex you my best friend." I take her hand in mine, deciding that for better or worse she needs to know the truth "and I could hardly sit by and watch them make the woman I love cry.."

"Liv.. Y-you love me?"

"For so so long. I was attracted to you since that first meeting, in love with you since that first time in your office. I'm not expecting anything in return, I just thought you needed to know"

She smiles happily at the memory. "No I'm glad you told me.. I love you too liv, since that first time in my office, when you took the time to see past my emotional walls to get to the real, vulnerable me."

"Well what do you suggest we do about this counsellor?"

Instead of responding with her usual witty remark, she leans forward and kisses me softly, lovingly. My arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her close. Eventually the need for air becomes too great and we reluctantly pull away.

"You busy tonight? I'd love to take you on a date, if your up to it after today."

"Nothing would make me happier, pick me up at 7?"

"Absolutely, now I better get back up there, I can't wait for tonight gorgeous."

With that I give her a chaste, yet passionate kiss before exiting the elevator and walking back into the precinct.

"Have fun chasing the ice princess liv? Bet that was a barrel of laughs with her" Elliot remarks, all of them barely holding in their laughter.

Without a second thought, I floor him with a single punch.

"Never, ever talk about her like that again, Alex is an amazing woman.. The woman I love. That goes for the rest of you assholes, back off or your ass is mine."

I give them all a death glare, not too dissimilar to Alex's court glares reserved only for the most reprehensible defence attorneys. With that I grab my jacket and make a swift exit, intent of giving Alex the best date of her life.


	3. Chapter 3

Diary,

Mission accomplished. Alex told me numerous times that she'd had the time of her life on our date. Skating together at Bryant park, my arms wrapped around her. Sharing easy conversations over hot chocolate, ending the night at my apartment with a bottle of wine or two and home cooked lasagne. I'd contemplated going the whole nine yards with the fancy restaurant and dancing, but that just isn't me and it wouldn't have be unique. Seems it paid off, since I was rewarded with many kisses from Alex throughout the date and promises of many more to come. Now I've gotta go, I need to be at Alex's in 20 minutes, she insisted on returning the favour and taking me on the next date.

 **Epilogue**

3 months later:

Diary,

Alex and I have never been happier, it may seem too soon to be doing this but we're moving in together. It just seems right and we're spending almost every night together as it is, and neither of us can bare the thought of waking up in the morning without the other there. For as long as I can remember, I've always deemed myself unlovable and tainted... How wrong was I?


End file.
